How to Talk to Your Parent's Doctor About Their Care

Topic cluster: Legal & Financial Planning | Reading time: 5 min

When a parent's health is declining, one of the most frustrating barriers families face is not being able to get information from medical professionals. GPs and hospital consultants are bound by confidentiality laws — they cannot share patient information without consent, even with adult children. But there are legitimate ways to stay informed, advocate effectively, and work constructively with the medical team. This guide explains your rights, your options, and how to have the most useful conversations.

The Confidentiality Problem

Under GDPR and the common law duty of confidentiality, healthcare professionals cannot share information about a patient without their consent — including with family members. This remains true even if you are their primary carer or next of kin.

This surprises many families. Being a son or daughter, or even a spouse, does not automatically grant you access to medical information.

What You Can Do Right Now

1. Get Your Parent's Consent

The simplest solution is for your parent to formally give consent for their GP to share information with you. This can be done:

• In person at the GP practice (your parent signs a consent form)
• Via the NHS app (where practices accept digital consent)
• In writing with a signed letter

This consent can be general ("please share all medical information with my daughter") or specific ("please share information related to my dementia care").

2. Use the Health and Welfare LPA

If your parent has a registered Health and Welfare Lasting Power of Attorney and has now lost the mental capacity to make decisions, you may use the LPA to access medical information and participate in treatment decisions.

Present a certified copy to the GP practice and ask to be registered as the welfare attorney on their system.

3. Ask to Be Listed as a Carer

GP practices can note you as an informal carer. This doesn't give legal access to records, but it can make staff more willing to share general information and keep you updated on appointments.

Ask the practice receptionist or GP to add a note to the record.

Having a Productive Appointment

If your parent is happy for you to accompany them to appointments, come prepared.

Before the appointment:

• ☐ Write down your parent's symptoms, changes in behaviour, or concerns you've noticed
• ☐ List all current medications (including over-the-counter and supplements)
• ☐ Note any incidents — falls, confusion episodes, changes in appetite
• ☐ Write down your specific questions and prioritise them

During the appointment:

• Ask open-ended questions ("What are the main concerns at this stage?")
• Ask what a diagnosis or change means practically for day-to-day care
• Ask about what to watch out for and when to seek further help
• Request a care plan review or referral to a specialist if needed
• Ask about community support services available

After the appointment:

• Take notes or ask if you can record (with consent)
• Request copies of any referral letters
• Follow up in writing if you need clarification on anything said

If Your Parent Refuses Your Involvement

This is emotionally difficult but not uncommon. Your parent has the right to make their own medical decisions and to keep information private, as long as they have capacity.

If you believe their capacity to make decisions is impaired:

• Speak to the GP directly (you can share concerns without them sharing information back)
• Ask for a capacity assessment to be carried out
• Contact the local council's adult social care team if you believe your parent is at risk

You cannot force a parent with capacity to accept help, medical treatment, or care — but you can continue to raise concerns through appropriate channels.

What to Do in a Hospital Setting

Hospital ward staff often have more flexibility in communicating with families in a care context, especially if your parent is acutely unwell. Ask to speak to:

• The ward nurse for day-to-day updates
• The named consultant or registrar for clinical information
• The ward's social worker if a care home or community care package is being planned
• The discharge coordinator if your parent is approaching discharge

Hospitals are required to involve families in discharge planning where the patient consents or lacks capacity. If you feel excluded, ask to speak to the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS).

Raising Concerns About a Parent's Care

If you have concerns about the quality of care your parent is receiving from their GP or hospital:

• Raise it first with the practice manager or ward matron
• If unresolved, contact the NHS England complaints team or the relevant NHS Trust's Patient Experience team
• In serious cases, concerns can be raised with the Care Quality Commission (CQC) or the General Medical Council (GMC)

Arranging care for a parent? homeformum.com helps families at every stage — from understanding care needs to finding the right home and navigating funding.

Related articles: Care Needs Assessment — How It Works | Lasting Power of Attorney Explained | How to Use a Lasting Power of Attorney for Care Decisions | Signs Your Elderly Parent Needs More Help